Moving into a place with your partner is a big deal. It’s exciting for many reasons, but there are several things that people don’t talk about before committing to a shared space. It’s better to know up front what possible areas of conflict may arise and talk about how you will address them before they occur.
His, Hers, or Our Stuff?
Moving in together entails the obvious, moving belongings into a house or apartment. But “whose” stuff is moving in can be a point of conflict. Are you taking his or her couch? Buying a new bed? Wait…how many bikes do you have? (This was my surprise, lol.) Have a conversation up front about what items will be moved into the space and what items you will buy together.
Wait. Chores Still Exist?
Chores are real. They have to be done, we can’t deny it. Deciding who does what can be as easy or as difficult as you make it. I say, wait no longer to decide on who is responsible for what around the home. It may not be split 50/50. If one person works longer hours and another has more time at home, that can be a factor. But teamwork is really important in order to avoid becoming bitter about doing all of the household chores or taking it for granted when the other person is doing it. Some thoughts might be: the last one to get up makes the bed, one person cooks dinner and the other does the dishes, while one person cleans the bathroom the other vacuums and dusts, one person does the laundry while the other folders it and puts it away…what works for you?
Spending Alone Time in the Same Place
After you move in, you start to realize that not every moment of the day together is intentional and romantic. Sometimes too much of a good thing becomes an obnoxious thing. My husband and I have found that it is good for us to find time alone, even if we are in the same space. After a long day at work, we often spend time alone to unwind before we spend time together. It is important to express what you need and discuss expectations for time in the home. Just because we need some time to ourselves doesn’t mean we don’t love each other.
So. Much. Hair...
For the guys: Yes, girls have more beauty products than boys and there will likely be hair on the floor after we blow dry it…Sorry, that’s just how it is. And yes, the smell of nail polish might be in the air for a little while as we paint our finger nails. No, we don’t necessarily need throw pillows, but they make the space look “homey” so we buy them!
Video Games? What?
For the girls: If your husband is anything like mine, he likes (no, loves) video games. He can play for hours and not feel like he wasted a moment of his day. We can wrack our brains and come up with a million reasons why he doesn’t need to play, but sometimes it’s worth the compromise. We will likely never understand it. I say, just try to embrace the nerdiness.
Not Just Roommates
After you move in together, it is easy to get distracted by financial responsibilities, groceries that need to be bought, chores that need to be done, and pet peeves like a dirty kitchen sink or an unmade bed. But remember that you are not just roommates. You are life partners and lovers first. Make a plan to be successful when it comes to the practical parts of living together but learn to compromise and choose grace over frustration.
I would love to hear about your experience of moving in together! Were there things that you wish you would have thought of beforehand? How do you divvy up household chores? What have you learned about yourself and your spouse since you moved in together that you would not have known otherwise?