The engagement season is packed full of wedding planning and anticipation, but it also holds a lot of vulnerable internal conversations. I don’t know about you, but I had some serious fears leading up to my wedding day. As I’ve talked to other women, I’ve found that I am not alone here. These fears or doubts are shared by many, but rarely expressed. So, being the no nonsense woman that I am, let’s just put it out there and talk about it.
Do we have the skills to get through when life gets hard?
Yes, we love each other, but how can we be sure that we can get through struggles and challenges down the road? Do we have the skills to communicate effectively? Is he really committed? What if a loved one dies, or I get sick, or if we are financially unstable?
Am I compromising myself and dreams?
This isn’t exactly how I envisioned my love story to play out. Am I compromising my convictions and my dreams? Life with him isn’t exactly what I anticipated. Am I supposed to seek my initial ideal, or is life all about compromise and finding new dreams together?
Will I regret not doing more while I am single?
I’m an independent woman, no man is going to tie me down! I’ve got goals and ambition. Am I really ready to consider someone else’s needs in my everyday life? Did I travel enough? Did I meet my career goals? Will my friendships change? Did I check everything off my list?
Is he really “the one?”
My entire life I have anticipated meeting my husband, is he “the one?” What if I make the wrong decision? What if we disagree on values, does that mean we shouldn’t be together? Does he have the same goals as I do? Will he support me through my endeavors? What if down the road we change our mind?
Is this normal?
Oh my gosh, I’m about to get married and I’m having all these thoughts-is this normal?! Am I supposed to pump the breaks, or is this another bump in the road that will make us stronger? Am I allowed to talk about this so close to the wedding? Or will people criticize me?
You got this.
Can I just encourage you and assure you that these questions are normal and you are not alone! It’s impossible to know what is to come. Life has many seasons and some are easier than others. It may not be romantic or what you want to hear, but I’m just gonna be real and tell you, your man is not going to fulfill all of your needs. He is going to disappoint you and fall through. And girl, as fabulous as we may be, we are going to do the same.
Is he who you choose?
I’m going to challenge you to a paradigm shift and instead of asking, “Is he the one for me?” ask yourself, “Is he the one I am choosing for myself?” Only YOU can answer that question. Is he the one you want by your side to celebrate life’s highs and to mourn life’s lows? Is he the one you want to argue with? Or do you want to argue with some other man? You’re going to fight with your husband regardless. Yes, part of marriage is compromising two people’s dreams and making new ones. That’s not always easy, but our dreams have changed a lot since we were little girls, and they will continue to mold and grow. Do you want to dream and figure life out with this man?
Talk About It
I know when these thoughts are swirling around in our mind, we can easily become overwhelmed and confused. It’s scary to bring these questions up when it is so close to your wedding day. But I want to empower you to reach out to a trusted friend and talk it out. Talk to your man about it! So often we only need to have an honest conversation with our partner and assure each other that we are in this for the long haul. Here are some questions that could start a conversation between you and your honey. You got this! Let your racing thoughts rest.
- How are we going to handle life when our parents die or one of us gets sick?
- What are your dreams and how can I support you in making them a reality?
- Are there things you wanted to do before you get married? Is it worth waiting in order to do them, or are you willing to compromise those desires?
- Is there anything about the thought of marriage that scares you? Can we talk about it?